The Next Step in My Spiritual Growth

I've been going through a shift over the past few months. This shift involves a shedding of my ego and prioritizing connecting with others. This is the next step in my spiritual growth and development.

I think this shift actually began when I was living in Belgium and I realized how much I value connecting to others. For the majority of my life, all I built a wall around myself to protect my fragile little ego. I chose to isolate myself at times and run away from truly connecting with others. I identified with being "independent" and an introvert and produced this false narrative of seeing depending on others as bad or weak.

I spent many years consumed by my own personal and spiritual development. These years were so influential and allowed me the space to get to know and love myself. I was able to learn how to choose myself and be with myself. I became so comfortable with just doing things on my own–heck, I still do that. And it's amazing.

But I'm going through a shift. I find myself craving community, connection, and companionship. I find myself wanting to spend time with others rather than with myself. I find myself still content with my own company but yearning for something more.

I'm really grateful to have such a beautiful network of people in Baltimore and throughout the world. It is truly life-changing once you begin to surround yourself with people that lift you up and help you become your best self. But as I am sitting here in my apartment alone, with a free week before the hustle of the semester starts, I find myself missing something. (Keep in mind...my friends will be back in Baltimore from break soon so all of this will go away but I like to notice when I feel down or triggered and get to the root of it–everything is temporary, friends!)

That yearning for something other than myself scares me, quite honestly. I have told myself all my life that I can (and should) only depend on myself. But I'm shifting. I'm shifting into a space of needing community for more growth and to help serve. It's not all about me anymore. There's a whole world out there and I want to immerse myself in it.

I'm not an expert in spiritual growth but I think this shift that I'm going through is a big one. At least it feels like a big one that will open up so much in my life. I'm in a place of just observing it right now and feeling all the things I am feeling. We are constantly evolving and I am so grateful to have a clear front-row view as I am growing into myself. No judgement of self, simply just observing.