2020: A Decade in Review

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Dec 31

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I spent this morning listening to my new 2020 playlist cooking for hours in the kitchen for a vegan potluck that's a part of the event I'm going to tonight to ring in the new year. Is it cheesy to say that I feel like every moment in my life has led me to right now? Like, I am finally in the exact spot where I'm supposed to be–no more hiding or feeling shame for who I am or the things I want to do. If I've learned one lesson in these past 10 years, it's that I don't have to change who I am to have a place in this world.

6th grade to being a senior in college, this last decade houses some lifechanging events and has been a time of immense growth and figuring out who the hell I am. I have been having trouble going back to that 12-year-old Nikki. To be honest, so much growth has happened in the past 3-4 years that 10 years ago feels like a blur.

My middle and high school years blur together because I sorta stayed the same for the majority of it. To sum it up: dance, Justin Bieber, obsessing over "being cool" but never quite fitting in with the cool crowd, and loving fashion. Big things did happen, I fell completely in love and out of love with dance. I experienced some really amazing friendships. I dealt with depression. But these 7 years primarily consisted of me always trying to be someone different and wanting to get out of Kentucky. I dreamed of traveling the world and walking down the streets of cities where no one knew me. I prayed for a fresh start–where I could be whoever I wanted to be. I never realized that I can be whoever I want anywhere–even in the town, I called home for 18 years of my life.

While it sounds cliche, college has provided the space for me to figure out ME. Since freshman year, I have healed my relationship with myself through getting to know, spending time, and loving myself. I have explored my spirituality and developed a relationship with my intuition/The Universe. These past 3.5 years have set up a foundation for the rest of my life. I no longer carry around shame for who I am. I no longer feel that it's my responsibility to make everyone like me. I have learned so many things during this time that I now feel like I'm in a place to finally start living the life I want to live.

Below are the top 5 lessons I've learned in the past decade. I've learned a lot more but these came to my mind first.

When you spend time doing the things you truly want to do, you will attract like-minded individuals into your life.
Your worth is not based on whether or not you have a romantic partner.
Society's view of being cool is not actually that cool, at least to me.
Everything happens for a reason. Trust that things will get better.
Just because you're good at something doesn't mean you're supposed to do it for the rest of your life.

I don't like sitting in the past for too long–reflecting is an amazing tool to see how far you've come and what you've learned but for me, I want to live more in the present and plan for the future. As far as 2020 goes, and the next decade, I'm freaking excited. I really cannot wait. I love new beginnings. There's something so refreshing about a new start. I feel good about 2020. I graduate this year and as someone who feels like school holds me back, I am SO excited to see what life is like without school. This decade feels like my life is truly about to start.

I really feel in tune with who I am, what I want from life, who I want to show up as. Don't get me wrong, I have no idea what career I want to do in life but I have trust that all the pieces are going to come together. I see 2020 as a continuation of the exploration of self and spirituality. I feel like I have all the pieces but need time for them to come together. There's still so much I want to learn about spirituality and my connection to the Universe, so I hope 2020 brings some spiritual mentors and guidance. This time in my life is so exhilarating because I can just explore. I want to see the world and meet people throughout it. I can't explain it, but right now, that feels like my purpose. I feel a big push away from being by myself and towards community. I think these next few years will be spent learning from others and connecting and healing my relationship with intimacy and vulnerability. Ohhhhh, I am so excited.

Tonight, I am spending NYE in community. I am attending a mini-retreat hosted at the MVMT Lab with ecstatic dance, meditation, sound bath, cacao ceremony, plant-based potluck, and so much conscious goodness. I am thrilled to be attending–I haven't looked forward to something this much in a long time. Each year, I feel this obligation to have a lavish NYE dressed to the 9s partying all night but I've never done that and I don't think I would like it. Sure, it would be fun. But as someone who wants to live a conscious life and spend the next decade (and every decade after) exploring the depths of my soul, it feels a whole lot more aligned to spend the night in an awakened community space. So, yeah, I'm pumped.

Whatever you're doing tonight to ring in the new year, I hope you have the best time. May 2020 and the decade ahead bring you abundance, soul-centered friendship, love, and healing. We are in this together, baby!