Finding Peace in Ambiguity
For those of you who don't know, I am a senior in college meaning in 6 short months, I will be graduating and facing the world as a non-student for the first time since I was 4 years old. More and more people continue to ask me plans upon graduation and I keep seeing LinkedIn status updates on people accepting job offers. And for the first time in my life, I don't have a plan. Like none at all. Talk about ambiguity.
I've always been very Type-A, plan every single second of my life to a T but we all know life doesn't usually work out the way you want despite how much you plan it. This year, I'm challenging myself to lean into the ambiguity. I'm challenging myself to take strides down paths (yes, plural!) that excite me rather than spend my time planning for a life that I feel obligated to do.
This isn't an easy task and I have had to constantly check in with myself. Am I applying to this job because it excites me or because I'm scared sh*tless that I don't have something lined up for after graduation and it feels like everyone else does? It's hard owning the fact that I have no clue what I'm doing. I would love to drop everything and live in South America for two years or to magically live a beach life in San Diego (those are my top two options right now lmao) but where's the line between practicality and living a life that excites you.
Right now, even though it might be crazy, I'm leaning more towards taking a leap and doing the unheard-of thing–the thing that there isn't a set path for. It's terrifying and it's hard to stay strong in my truth when the world around me is filled with doubts and fears FOR me.
Everything around me in life feels in flux. I hesitate to plant my roots in Baltimore because I don't know where I'll be in a year. I fear planning something for a year right now because what if something better comes along? I try to listen to my intuition and stick to what excites me in the present moment but what if I'm not doing enough? Planning enough?
I've found peace in the fact that I never expected my life to look the way that it has up until this point but I wouldn't have changed any second. I find peace in the idea that there is so much more out there for me than I ever could imagine. Ambiguity is scary but it comes with an exhilarating sense of freedom and excitement.
If your life is in flux or if you hesitate to "jump off the cliff" towards the life of your dreams, I'm right there with you. There is beauty in the unknown just as there is beauty in the known. I invite you to check in with yourself and begin living to fuel your passions, desires, and the things that excite you. I acknowledge I am speaking from a place of privilege but this doesn't have to be a huge life-consuming task. It's about prioritizing your time and making time for YOU.
It takes courage to walk in the dark but just because you can't see me, doesn't mean I'm not right there alongside you. We're in this together.
