The Missing Pieces to Your Self Care Routine

In the past few months, I’ve heavily relied on anything I could think of to provide myself comfort in the midst of the chaos of the world. Things like meditation, cooking, and mindlessly scrolling through Tiktok have kept me feeling sane. I have been building my metaphorical self-care toolbox for the past few years and this has kept me afloat during this global pandemic. Yet, I quickly realized that no amount of face masks or bubble baths could keep me feeling like myself, but rather two things that aren’t always mentioned: discipline and awareness.

I want to start out by saying, everyone needs something different during this time. That’s where awareness comes in; awareness to know what you need and when you need it. At the beginning of the stay at home order, I filled my days with all the things I thought would make me feel normal: face timing friends, working out, getting outside, cooking, pursuing hobbies I never had time for. This lasted for a few weeks and then I got tired. I realized I was running myself dry doing all the things I thought I should do but I never gave myself time to just be. To mourn all of the lost experiences and opportunities that I had planned for. To cope with the state of the world and the immense loss and fear embedded all around me. 

I filled my schedule to the brim, like I always have because keeping busy was easier than facing the reality of our new normal. 

I eventually sat with myself and how I was feeling to cultivate an awareness for what I needed. The truth is, each day brings a new emotion, mood, and challenge. Each day, I need something different. Some days, I wake up with a new found energy and inspiration to move forward with my goals and desires. But, lately, most days have felt stagnant and unclear with little intention.

I haven’t completely given up my self-care routine because I know that there are some things that I just need to do every day to keep going. This is where discipline comes in. Discipline is showing up for yourself each day to give yourself what you need. For me, that looks like meditation every morning and night (the length varies but the intention stays the same) and some form of movement. These two things, along with honoring the ever-changing needs of myself each day, have kept some sort of routine or normalcy.

I’ve spent years cultivating this self care toolbox and I realize the hours and days of practice with these tools is not about finding peace each day of our lives, it’s about acquiring the tools to equip us to handle situations like this.

Despite meditating everyday, I certainly have not found peace everyday but I feel that I am moving through this challenge period with as much grace as I can. I’m doing the best I can considering the circumstances, and I’m positive you are too–no matter what “the best” looks like. 

Awareness to know what you need can be as simple as asking yourself what you’re craving for breakfast in the morning. Awareness can look like knowing you need to sleep in an extra hour or rescheduling the Zoom meeting with your friends to allow for time to grieve and honor your feelings. 

Discipline comes in things like cooking nourishing meals, making time to connect with others, spending time outside. There are days that I don’t step foot outside of my bedroom until 6 PM when my Mom asks if I want to walk my dog with her–I always say yes because I know the fresh air is important but the time with my family is irreplaceable. 

In times of crisis, like now, self-care often looks like making sure our basic needs are being met. Are we eating nourishing foods? Moving our body? Taking time to care for our minds? 

There’s a lot of pressure to use this “extra time” in our day to become a better person, do shadow work, start a new hobby, monetize your side hustle. I fall into that pressure every single day and have to continue to remind myself that simply surviving is enough. It is more than enough. While I do think this is a great time to do all of those things, I don’t think it makes us less than if we aren’t. I think simply making it through to the next day is a big accomplishment. 

Self-care is about giving ourselves grace. Grace to just be as we are in this moment. Awareness and discipline have been vital to putting myself first throughout these past few months but I understand that in other circumstances, we must just meet our basic needs and then prioritize the care of others. Self-care during this time, and always, will look different for everyone. Everyone has different needs and desires and things that make them feel whole. 

Give yourself grace. Honor your needs. Show up for yourself each day. Know that this is just a passing moment that will soon be over. We will get through this. 

I’m here for you.