The Complexities of Connection
You know those people in your life that you have an instant connection with? Those that time seems to disappear and no one else matters except the two of you? Is there ever a time when that feeling isn’t reciprocal?
I’ve often thought about this in terms of those friends that could have turned into lovers, partners, or something more but life always seemed to get in the way of the connection blossoming into anything more than just friends.
I think about those people in my life that I loved the second I met.
The ones that seemed to see me more clearly than anyone else had up until that point.
I think about those people who I remember thinking, “wow, I think I could really love them one day.”
I am lucky to have experienced these types of connections more than once in my life.
Friends I grew up with.
Strangers I met one time and never again.
People still in my life to this day.
But the timing never seems to align.
There’s always an obstacle – a partner, distance, mismatched desires.
There’s always a small part of my heart that will always hold out for these “what ifs” in my life.
The hopeless romantic in me wants to believe that maybe one day, things will work out. With one of them. With all of them. And my only hope is that I haven’t already missed my chance.
But then, I wonder, do they feel the same about me?
Do they, too, feel the wave of ease that washes over me when we are together?
Do they, too, wonder what it would be like to explore the depth of this connection?
Do they, too, feel something different with me than they do with others?
Maybe it’s just me.
But maybe this lifetime isn’t for us to explore.
Maybe it’s a reminder of a past love or one that has yet to come to fruition.
Maybe this connection is simply meant to stay as it is – a beautiful reminder of stars colliding and two souls crossing paths reminding each other that they are exactly where they are meant to be.
I’ve been thinking a lot about connection lately.
I’ve been thinking of the blurred edges between platonic and romantic and everywhere in between. In my own personal exploration of what I am desiring within the relationships throughout my life, I have questioned that line and wondered where the difference comes in?
Sex initially seems to be a deciding factor but as I zoom out on my own definition of partnership, I realize that sex doesn’t have anything to do with it.
I have been in many partnerships throughout my life – most of them weren’t romantic, but they did involve a deep level of intimacy and vulnerability that doesn’t always exist in a run of the mill friendship. I have been the type of person to have one or two best friends and do everything with them – they become my partner for that period of time and in short, become my whole world.
The friendships I have experienced throughout my life have been beautiful representations of unconditional love and mirrors for where I was at throughout different points in my life. Just like romantic partnerships (which I thought for so long I was missing out on because I was not experiencing), I was able to view myself more clearly through those partnerships.
I wonder why does a best friendship feel so far removed from a romantic partnership?
Why, for so long, was I not able to see the clear parallels between the two?
While sex adds a layer of physical intimacy and vulnerability, I do not think sex is a deciding difference between romantic and non-romantic partnership. If anything, it is the thing that makes the former more complicated, stressful, and least likely to succeed in the long term. I wonder why platonic partnership have been so prominent in my life thus far and I wonder if and what romantic partnership has to teach me that I have yet to learn.
A partnership is a partnership. Unconditional love is unconditional love. Whether or not sex is involved.
In fact, in many romantic partnerships, unconditional love is not present whereas it seems to be much easier to find a general level of acceptance and lack of condition when it comes to platonic partnerships – sex blurs the vision of the other person. This idea of what romantic partnership is supposed to be hinders our ability to truly love another without condition.
Isn’t that what we are all deeply yearning for?
That’s why when people ask me if I feel like I am missing out on life by not being in a romantic partnership, I say no.
While that is something I desire, would like to experience and think I would enjoy in my life, I feel fulfilled by not only my platonic partnerships but also the partnership I have with myself.
I wholeheartedly believe that if you do not make space, time and energy to tend to the relationship you have with yourself, you will never be able to fully show up in a relationship with another being. When we are constantly seeking to be fulfilled, satisfied and affirmed by the other, we will always be searching for something more because we are searching in the wrong places – everything we seek is already within ourselves.
In those moments that the weight of the pressure to be in romantic partnership feels so heavy on my shoulders, I remind myself of this notion.
The love I seek in others, is already within myself.
And those things like companionship, physical touch, dates, etc. that are so incredible with another human can also be given to myself, from myself.
There is nothing that I need. It’s all right here. The love is bursting and flowing effortlessly throughout my entire being, waiting to be given and received.
There is a well of unconditional love with me at all times and this love allows my connections and partnership to flourish and grow. There is never any scarcity; it is only our mind that is brainwashed by the belief that we are not enough that beliefs we must hold on to thing outside of ourselves in order to be fed and survive.
It’s funny when I begin to think about these strong connections I feel to people, or when I develop a crush on someone new – the whole experience is just a mirror of my own self. It shows me where I am, who I am, and the energy I am putting out into the world. When I feel that connection, or presence, or joy, or fun, or anything – it is simply reflecting back my own self. The things I desire in others are already with me and those things that I don’t love (like…unavailability…) are present within me as well.
Everything is a mirror.
I think that’s why I love partnership so much.
It’s where I find my greatest growth. Even more so now that I am approaching all partnerships and relationships in my life from a grounded state of being.
I no longer sway who I am in order to accommodate or attract another and I’ve found that has made the biggest difference in the quality of partnership I am attracting into my life – from friends to romance to business partnerships. I show up as unapologetic, with an unguarded heart, ready to love unconditionally and I am often met with some of the most beautiful souls. Not all stick in my life but each being brings me a beautiful lesson, learning and experience.
The complexities of connection differ between each one but we must remember: each connection is an opportunity to see yourself more clearly, love another more unconditionally and experience the oneness flowing between all beings. We are all of the same. When you open yourself up, you are able to move closer towards the innate nature of our soul: love.
In pondering all of these things, I invite you to think about the following questions:
- What types of connections are currently present in my life? Do they feel nourishing?
- What type of connections would I like to have more of?
- What are the things I love and notice about others? Take time to see find those things within yourself.
- What are the things that frustrated and annoy me about others? Can I find those within myself? Am I not accepting a part of myself?
- What do I have a tendency to seek in others? What is one thing I can do this week to give myself just that?
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