Forgiving Those Who Never Apologized
So, last week I went to a psychic and got my palm read. I am not going to go into detail about what she said but one of the things she mentioned was that my heart chakra was blocked. I am still not 100% convinced of the validity of psychics but it gave me something to think about!After some reflecting and journaling, I can see how my heart chakra is blocked. Typical symptoms are
Signs your heart chakra may be blocked include feelings of shyness and loneliness. If you have an inability to forgive or a tendency to lack empathy, then you may be leading with your head more often than your heart. - from this Mind Body Green article.
In the past few months, I have been digging deep and have realized that there is this blockage within me when it comes to vulnerability especially in terms of feelings. Let's just say I have built a wall up around my heart so that I can protect myself from getting hurt but that is holding me back from being my true, authentic self.Anyways, another thing that the psychic told me was that there has been a lot of betrayal and disappointment in my life (very true) and that is one of the reasons my heart chakra is blocked. Makes sense, right?[PS - I don't want your pity – I am working through this! Also, all of this post so far has been a precursor to the juicy things I want to tell you.]Last night, I was journaling about these betrayals and I realized that I hold a lot of resentment towards certain people (including myself) and that if I am ever going to heal, I needed to forgive and let go of the pain that has been holding me back for so many years.
Why have I been holding on to all of this?
A big reason why I have been holding on to this resentment is because I never got closure or a proper apology from said people who hurt/betrayed/disappointed me. Why? A lot of times they didn't know that they hurt me or they just didn't care. It is a sad but very true statement which I have come to terms with.
Instead of reaching out to all of these people and telling them what they did wrong and demanding an apology from them, I chose to write down each person in my journal and physically write that I forgive them. This seemingly simple and silly task actually brought a lot of peace. I realized how much pain I was holding inside of me.I also realized that much of this betrayal was unintentional. Because I never spoke up about how certain situations made me feel, I never got that closure or apology. AKA I partially did this to myself. I had been resenting and holding in so much pain towards people because they couldn't be who I wanted or needed them to be. First of all, that's not fair to them but it's not fair to me.
Life is too short to hold grudges and hold all of this pain within your heart.
I am working on speaking my feelings so that I don't have to hold on to those kind of things but I am also working on living through love. I want to look at everything through love rather than hate. Ultimately, everyone is going through their own things and sometimes will be selfish and consequently hurt you.Being compassionate and trying to see their point of view is slowly bringing a lot of peace into my life. I am beginning to get comfortable with what is and letting it be. Not everyone will like you. Not everyone will be who you need them to be. Not everyone will serve you the same way you are serving them. That is ok. It is okay and in order to find any peace in your life, you must forgive.Love is the most powerful force in this universe. Do all things through love.