Instagram Detox: Why I Don't Want to Go Back
There has been this nagging voice in the back of my head for the past 6 months saying, Nikki, stop spending your entire day scrolling. I've been posting on social media for the past 11 years–that's nearly half of my life spent on apps like Facebook and Instagram. This year I found myself using Instagram and Tiktok as ways to self-soothe–the mindless scrolling allowed me to escape the reality of the world which only gave me temporary relief.
In addition, I'd be lying if I said my brand on Instagram doesn't give me a sense of worth and identity. When people look up to you for what you post, there always is going to be a sense of obligation and responsibility. The mindless scrolling paired with the bigger sense of self-induced pressure to create content led me to a breaking point where Instagram seemed to take more from me than I could handle. An Instagram detox seemed to be the only option to mend my toxic relationship with the 'gram.
Why I Stopped Posting on Instagram
By the end of the summer, I had grown tired of the weekly screen–time notifications telling me I had spent 6+ hours on my phone. Despite all of my best efforts to lessen my screentime (daily time limits, mute the accounts I'm not inspired by, no screentime before 10AM), I couldn't seem to break the habit of grabbing my phone and scrolling through all of my social media apps any time I had even a second of downtime.
Throughout the past 3 years that I have had this blog, I always have felt a sense of obligation to continue posting and creating content for my followers. The thing is, I love sharing. But what I don't love? The Instagram algorithm and the game of it all. In the past couple of years, I have become so burnt out with Instagram because there is no way to grow an Instagram account without spending at least an hour or two a day engaging with other accounts. I constantly think about the best time to post, the need to post every single day, and the god awful inauthentic comments I have to post just to "engage" with other accounts. If I'm being honest, my Instagram detox came mostly from how fed up I have become with the game of Instagram.
The Game of Instagram
As someone who considers themselves a creative, I can't be creative when I am spending the majority of my brainpower thinking about strategic things like hashtags, creating a cohesive feed, and my engagement rates. My brand is rooted in the theme of authenticity and I don't feel I can be authentic in my posts if I am planning everything days or weeks ahead. If I have an idea, I am going to share it. If I take a picture I like, I want to share it. Call me naïve, but I don't really care about the strategy. I want to create and allow myself to expand past all of these boxes, rules, and limiting beliefs–it really cramps my style, if you couldn't tell.
What My Instagram Detox Taught Me
The first month off of Instagram felt like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. I can breathe again, I thought. It felt so good to not feel an obligation to post or create content but even more, it felt so good not to be so connected. 2020 is a year that I think we all realized the importance of connection. So much so that I feel in some ways, I was hyper-connected. It's a lot juggling keeping in touch with family and friends in addition to following 500+ people and seeing inside of every aspect of their lives on Instagram.
The biggest thing I realized throughout my Instagram detox was how much more intentional I felt in my "real" life. Instead of constantly being consumed by the online world and my online presence, I was able to be present in my real life. I kept in touch with those friends I had on Instagram but instead of menial comments on their IG stories, I intentionally reached out to have an actual conversation with them. Who woulda thought?
I found myself slowing down to truly be present throughout every single interaction, conversation, task, experience throughout my day. I began savoring my life because I didn't feel rushed to document it all to share with the world. I became truly present so that I could experience the moment rather than clinging onto an experience to share with others.
Will I Ever Be Back on Instagram?
Truth is...I thought I was going to start posting again in December. I have the biggest pull to start sharing with the world again but I fear that once I go back to Instagram, I'll get sucked in again. I want to savor this Instagram detox just like I am savoring my life. When I start posting again, I want to share my thoughts with the world just to share them and to connect more deeply with the world, and to hopefully inspire and guide others. I don't think 3 months of not posting is going to fix my relationship with Instagram. That's why I don't want to rush this experience of releasing my attachment to social media.
I watched The Social Dilemma on Netflix a couple of months ago and it really put into perspective how big of a problem social media is. I have done a lot of reflection on the idea of who am I without social media? I still don't have an answer but I do know that if every single social media platform disappeared tomorrow, I would be happy and content with myself and my life. Three months ago, I don't think I could have said that.
It's difficult (not impossible) to truly become secure in yourself and your sense of worth when you are plugged into social media. I have done years of inner work to deeply get to know and love myself and I feel the final straw has been this Instagram detox. When you are constantly consuming media from others, it skews your own intuition and creative abilities. Subconsciously you are always thinking that you need more because you are being shown all the "more" that is out there. In some ways, that is amazing because it expands our perception as to what's possible for us in this lifetime but in others, it's detrimental because the present moment never feels good enough.
I can't say that deleting social media forever is the answer to happiness and fulfillment but I will say that taking a break from something that has become so habitual in all of our lives can be life-changing. Taking a step back from the things that we have attachments towards in our lives can provide us deeper clarity into the role we want them to play in our lives. I talk about this in my One Year Sobriety blog post. I am obsessed with peeling back the layers of myself so that I can know and love myself deeper. Taking time off of creating content and being plugged into social media is just one of the realms that I have ventured to peel back a layer of myself.
