I Ate Meat for The First Time in Over 2 Years...

It's a funny thing, really–the way this whole ordeal happened. I have been toying around with the idea of incorporating meat back into my diet for about 6 months now. Aside from seeing many once plant-based eaters transitioning to meat back into their diet and many cravings (for nonetheless but turkey meatballs and Chick-Fil-A), I just felt like my current diet wasn't working for me.I think a lot of it was mental. I saw all of these people feel so much better after reintroducing meat and I thought maybe it would make me feel different too. It's not that I necessarily feel bad but I do crave meat. I do feel like it takes a lot for me to be satisfied. Both of which people claim is because my body wants to eat meat again.While my body might have wanted to eat meat again, my brain didn't. I told you I have been thinking about this for a while. There have been plenty of opportunities for me to just take one bite of meat. One little bite. I fully knew this wasn't going to do anything to me. I wasn't going to throw up or melt or spontaneous combust.Although I came to terms with the idea of killing animals to eat (still kinda grosses me out/makes me sad) and I felt ready to try this whole meat thing again...I subconsciously wasn't ready to give up the identity of not eating meat. I felt held back almost. In the past year, I have become aware of certain identities that I was afraid to let go of–being mostly plant based is one of them. Why? Well when you identify with something and people associate in a certain box, it is easy to hide in that box.2017 was a year that I found a lot of freedom. I started to find freedom around healthy eating but I still felt held back from one aspect of food–meat. It sounds silly but I wanted to eat it just to feel power over it. As a self-proclaimed foodie, how was I going to go my whole life missing out on an entire food group? Now, that's not to say I plan on eating steak for dinner every night for the rest of my life but I want to be able to try and enjoy all foods.

How It Happened

Here's what you all came for: the day I ate meat for the first time. It was the day after I got back to Louisville for winter break. I woke up, obviously hungry for breakfast as always, and asked my Dad what was in the fridge for breakfast. He proceeded to tell me there was one slice of veggie frittata in the fridge–oh, great! my favorite. So I heated it up, took the lovely picture above and took the first bite...which happened to be a piece of bacon.YIKES!I calmly say, "there's bacon in this." My Dad looked horrified and immediately apologizes a million times and asks if I want him to make me something. I look down at my plate and just say, "no, give me a minute." I knew that in that moment, I could either crawl back into my little identity box or I could step out of it. A few crumbles isn't going to kill me, right?So after having a small internally panic attack, I take another bite. And another. And I finish the piece of frittata. I don't feel much different and in all honesty, the bacon tasted great. So there's that.

No, I Haven't Made it to Chick-Fil-A...Yet.

It's interesting because as soon as I let myself eat that bacon, I started to feel a little more free. I realized that the only thing stopping me from eating meat was...me! It's been two weeks and I haven't really eaten that much meat. My dad ordered pasta with sausage and broccoli rabe (used to be my favorite) and I took a few bites...ok, more than a few. It was delicious! Last week, we had spaghetti and turkey meatballs. I asked my parents to make a few meatballs smaller for me so I could try them–keep in mind turkey meatballs were the one thing I have been nonstop craving for the past two years. I took one at first, ate it, and then had another!It sounds silly but these baby steps have reminded me that I have the power and control over my life. It doesn't matter what people know me as. It doesn't matter what I do or don't eat. It's really crazy and seems so simply but something in my brain has made it such a big deal.

Where I Am Now

I hate to break to it you but since I've gotten this new found freedom towards meat, I haven't really been craving it as much. They always say, you always want what you can't have. My body has been craving more plant based meals lately so I have been honoring that. Who's to say that I won't crave chicken or beef in a couple of weeks? I realized that I was preaching all of this intuitive eating but not even listening to my body! I had so many cravings for meat for months but I just brushed it off.I'm not sure if I'll ever be the one to eat meat at every meal. Ever since I was little, I didn't like red meat and I'd get so burnt out on chicken. I do feel the best eating real, plant-based foods but I no longer want to feel held back from meat. I, of course, feel a moral obligation to the animals and that is why (when I start eating meat again) I want to eat the most humane/sustainable meats.It's 2018 and time to get even more in tune with our bodies/intuition. I plan to continue working on freedom towards food. Also, if I begin to eat more meat I will keep everyone updated. I know I have a lot of friends who would pay to see me eat a burger or chicken tenders–stay tuned!XO,Nikki