How to Get Clear on Your Identity

Who are you? What are the things that make up your identity? Is it your job, hobbies, friends, sexual orientation, or where you live? Maybe it's just the fact that I'm in my early 20s or a little *too* obsessed with personal development, but I feel like I'm always thinking about my identity. I wonder who I am, how I am perceived by others, and I fear moving away from how things are right now. I have a tendency to tie my identity to the things I do. When I danced, I was a dancer. And I went through an existential crisis when I decided to quit after 15 years. Who am I now?, I thought.

The things is, we are more than those identifiers we give ourselves. When I danced, I was always more than *just* a dancer. I was a daughter, a student, a friend. But even then, I am still more than all of those things. I recently listened to a talk given by Ally Maz and she posed 4 questions:

What do you do?

Who do you know?

What do you have?

Who are you without all of those things?

At first, I thought, I really don't know. She proceeded to take us through an exercise with affirmations. Writing down phrases like, I am strong, resilient, and kind. I realized that I am more than what I do, who I know, and what I have. I am a multifaceted being. It's easy to stick yourself in a box and solely see yourself as that. But what happens when you change, grow, and evolve? What happens when you graduate college and are no longer a student? How about when you have your first child and are now a parent? Or when you move away from home for the first time?

Placing Value in Possessions

That night, I had a dream where I couldn't find my friend's car that held all of my possessions. In the dream, I vividly remember feeling so desperately attached to all of my things. I felt helpless in my pursuit forward because, how could I possibly move on without money, my clothes, or all of my books? When I awoke, I felt shaken up. I never realized the value I put in my possessions. I thought I've worked through that–I mean I did live off the grid in Hawaii for 3 months. but this is deeply ingrained in my being and it won't take 3 months in the jungle to fully detach myself from my attachment to my possessions.

Identity to Differentiate & Belong

I think as humans, we like to categorize our identities because it helps us to differentiate from each other. It's easy to see someone as a dancer and only recognize them as a dancer. That's how I felt when I quit dancing–who am I now that I am not what everyone knew me as? In addition to categorizing to differentiate, it helps us to feel a sense of belonging. I feel belonging to a group of people when I feel I share an identity with them. There is a sense of kinship within this dynamic and a shared identity reveals something in common which leads to deeper, and easier connection.

Identities are Not Bad

Now, I don't think identities are a bad thing. I don't think using them to differentiate or belong is bad either. I think a problem arises when you hold yourself too closely to your identities–when you forget that you are more than being a writer, living in New York, or having a tesla. When your worth begins being based on these things, that's when I feel stuck.

The truth is, we are all one. I know that sounds like some new-age BS talk, but it's true. I am you. You are me. We are the tree. And the tree is the sky. We are all made up of the same stuff. To define yourself, these identities can be used as a tool; but it's important not to forget that at the core of our beings, we are love, joy, abundance, radiance, and so much more.

An Ongoing Unfolding

I find it difficult to expand my mind enough to see myself clearly as I am. It's easy for me to hold onto all of the things external of my being to value my worth and my identity. It's an ongoing unfolding that I come back to time and time again. My identity is more than being a writer, studying astrology, living in Hawaii, and really loving tacos. I mean, yeah that makes up part of who I am but it does not encompass the fullness of myself. So today, I am courageous, compassionate, and present. Who are you?