Do What Makes You Uncomfortable

How I've Been Lately

I'm going to be honest with you, I haven't been in the best mental space these past few weeks. While I am really good at hiding it–I have just felt thing mental fog and in the simplest terms: lost. I have felt this sense of being lost (or "all over the place" as I like to say it) since the summer and I'm not sure why. This feeling has distanced itself from me but there still are days when I feel like I am constantly running on a treadmill but never getting any closer to where I want to be.I also have realized that I have been making excuses. I keep preaching that you need to embrace vulnerability and take the steps towards where you want to be but am I even doing that? How can I say all of these things and just do the opposite of them? Who knows–I think that's just how our brain works.These past two weeks I have felt a slight disconnect from myself and I really just don't feel present in the moment. So what do I do when I don't feel 100% like myself? I make impulsive decisions (gotta love being an Aries). This weekend, this impulsive decision was a really good one and I needed to push myself to make it (even though it scared the crap out of me.)

We Get It, Nikki: Embrace the Vulnerability

I'm reading Daring Greatly by Brené Brown and it is aaaaaall about vulnerability. This book is making me realize that I avoid vulnerability at all costs. I make excuses as to why I can't do something, I distract myself with something else, or I just blame someone else. I hate vulnerability. I hate not knowing. I hate feeling uncomfortable. But you know what is interesting? I get bored easily. I constantly need change in my life. What a paradox I am.So back to this weekend, it was Spoon University's Brainfood event in Brooklyn aka a literal dream for me. Finally getting to meet Spoon HQ, listening to talks from SO many heads of companies, restaurants, social media influencers, ALTON BROWN; all of the hottest (and my favorites) foods to try/buy, and a tonnnnn of networking opportunities. Like are you kidding?! Why wouldn't I go?But ya know, me being me, I kept making excuses about how I had too much work or it was too expensive or not worth it to go to NYC for only a day and a half. Silly Nikki, stop making excuses for something you're passionate about.

Excuses, Excuses, Excuses

In reality, I kept making all of these excuses because I was scared. Scared of going to NYC by myself, scared of going to Brainfood by myself, scared of putting myself out there. It's really crazy to me because I think of myself (and come off as) as a very confident person. Well...I am. But I still have these insecurities and doubts about myself. I have noticed that since I have started this blog and started taking strides towards doing what I am really passionate about, these doubts have continued to increase.I think that it is normal to doubt yourself and constantly compare yourself to other, but how do we shift away from those negative thoughts? For me, I just tell myself "what do you have to lose?" – most times, it's not much.This weekend taught me a lot. It taught me that stepping out of your comfort zone WILL cause you to grow. It will be uncomfortable and awkward but you know what they say, "fake it till you make it." When telling people that I was traveling to New York City by myself to go to Brooklyn by myself for this event filled with groups of people, they looked at me like I was crazy. "...you're going alone?!" Hell yeah I am. First of all, the spotlight was on me when talking to these brands and companies. Second of all, I was on my own schedule the entire time. No waiting around for things that I don't particularly want to do.

To Sum It All Up

Making yourself vulnerable shows your strength. It helps you to see what you are truly capable of. So much has changed/happened for me in the past three months. All of it due to me putting myself out there and taking risks. While it may be scary, it's going to pay off it the future (let's hope!).This post is a little all over the place but that's how I feel this weekend has been. For now, let all of this vulnerability stuff marinate in your brain and enjoy some pictures of my time at Spoon University's Brainfood NYC!