2019 Intentions
It is 8AM a few days before the end of 2018. These past few weeks have been a whirlwind of travel, being incredibly sick, finishing up classes for the semester, and spending time with my family. I originally wrote the bulk of this post in the airport on my way home from Lisbon when I was almost unbearably sick with mono and was not in the best mental space. At the time, I didn't know that I had mono and thought it was just a bacterial infection that I brought onto myself because I wasn't "being healthy enough." I now know that sure I let some of my healthy habits go but really my body was just yearning for rest and love.
Here's what I originally wrote but I'm probably going to come back with some edits and additions :)
From January until August, I cultivated a deep love within me. I slowed down, got quiet, and really got to know myself. I spent April to the end of July sober which gave me so much clarity. This summer, I had really got quiet with myself. I was living in Baltimore but since the majority of my friends in Baltimore are just there for school...there was ALOT of alone time. Which helped me become even more comfortable in my own presence. I found comfort in dedicating myself to my health and getting stronger...the first half of 2018, I’d say I felt my best physically.
2018 was filled with a lot of highs, a lot of lows, and to be honest a lot of mundane moments. this has not been the year that I expected but it has been a year filled with immense self growth. I’d be lying if I said I am happy with where I am right now. Well, I am in Europe and that’s pretty freaking amazing but physically and mentally I don’t really feel my best–more on that later.
All of this slowing down and getting to know myself was mostly in preparation for one of the biggest things that has yet to happen to me–studying abroad in Belgium for a year. To be honest, nothing could have prepared me the whirlwind of this transition. The last four months of 2018 have been filled with really high highs and really low lows. I have traveled to 8 countries (9 since I’ll be in Italy for New Years). I have grown immensely in these four months but I find myself grasping to hold on to my authentic self.
I have let go of certain priorities and taken on new ones. Some for better and some for worse. I no longer feel fear around food, something I have been struggling with for the past two years. But like I said earlier, letting go of the tight reigns of my health has had some negative effects. My mental health is all over the place. I continue getting sick (it’s a cycle: travel on the weekend (and literally let go of any sense of a healthy lifestyle) -> feel so ill by Monday -> spend the whole week nursing myself back to health so I feel better by the time I travel the next weekend. I preach about living a sustainable healthy lifestyle and this is not sustainable.
On one of my last trips, to Portugal, I spent about half of the time in bed because of strep throat (EDIT: it was actually mono which I somehow miraculously traveled to multiple countries with.) In those moments, I felt so frustrated and defeated with myself. “You know better, Nikki” “How could you let that happen” but in reality it was a cry from my body to slow down and reprioritize because I have a whole other 6 months of being out of the “routine” in Europe.
Yeah, it sucks to say that I’m not where I would have liked to be at the end of this year. I know that everything happens for a reason and I don’t take back any experience, trip, unhealthy food, etc. that lead me to feel this way. It has also forced me to really reflect and look at my life. Where did things go wrong? How can I live a more sustainable lifestyle? What are my nonnegotionables?
I feel pretty clear on my intentions for the New Year and I feel more excited than ever to get the ball rolling with them. 2018 was the year that I really fell in love with myself. With every ounce of my being. 2019 is the year that I show myself off. It’s the year that I finally begin living life as my authentic self as scary as that is. I am so grateful for the past year. I am so grateful for all of the friendships formed, places travelled, and opportunities that have waltzed into my life.
2019 INTENTIONS
Consistency
- meditate daily (start with all of January)
- morning routine
- train and run a half marathon
- travel health routine (lots of greens + immune support)
Authenticity
- living the sober curious lifestyle (this is probably the one I’m most nervous about. not because I don’t want to give up alcohol–i do, more than anything–but moreso because it’s so engrained in society (esp euro culture) but it is my truth and i no longer want to go against that)
- show up on my blog. how can I spread my truths to help and inspire others? how can i better serve my audience? ––– courses and more freebies coming in the future??
Other
- finish reading all the books on my list
- finish my euro travel list (***Malta, Greece, Stockholm, solo trip!)
EDIT:
In hindsight, 2018 was really freaking amazing. Like any year, or time in your life, there are going to be ups and downs and it's not fair to beat myself up over having some low points. Those points are where the most growth happens and even though having mono for a couple of months really sucks, there's something there for it to teach us, and that's what I want to focus on. I also want to highlight some of my favorite parts of 2018 because I am oh so grateful for this whirlwind of a year.
-
went to some AMAZING events (Hozier, the Grammy's, LightCity, Forecastle, the GOODfest -
ate some incredible meals (shown: Hija De Sanchez & Australasia -
made some of the most amazing friendships and continued growing others -
healed my relationship with food and my body -
pushed myself past the limits and challenged my limiting beliefs (camping for 7 days, moving to Europe, traveling to 4+ countries with mono lol) -
traveled to some of the 8+ countries meeting with some of the best people along the way (NYC, belgium, france, hungary, england, spain, netherlands, denmark, portugal)
So that's it for me. In the next few days I am going to be enjoying the incredible food in Italy and spending time with my parents. This New Year's Eve, i think, will be a quiet one but I really appreciate that. I still have a lot of journaling and reflecting to do in preparation for the new year. 2019, I am ready for you. I am so excited for this new year that is filled with unknown opportunities, experiences, and I have a feeling will lead to a lot of magic.
I wish all the best to you all in 2019! I can't wait to see where life takes us all :)
