20 life lessons I have learned in the past 20 years
Woot woot! It’s my birthday! I love my birthday–always have. I honestly think I just love the attention but this year I am especially excited because I am entering another decade of my life. HOW EXCITING! Today I wanted to share 20 life lessons I've learned in honor of my 20 years in this world.
All of the beautiful life lessons:
1.
The first thing I have learned is, time doesn’t stop for anyone. And as you get older, it especially doesn’t slow down. I think since turning 18, time has literally been in fast forward. The days/weeks/months/years seem to be passing by at the speed of light. That is comforting knowing that this too shall pass but it is scary because you question whether or not you are missing out on parts of your life?
2.
When I used to think about being in my twenties, it used to feel so far away. I imagined being so sophisticated and having all my shit together. Even now, when I am about to turn 20, I see my twenties as being so much further away than they actually are. I have come to learn that maybe we never are going to have it all together. And that is okay. If life were perfect and you had everything figured out, where would the growth happen? And don’t you think you would get bored?
3.
Ever since I was a young girl, I struggled with feeling like I didn’t fit in. I (in like the past 6 months) have learned that it takes time to find your people. But they are out there. It’s about finding people who grow alongside you rather than people who pull you back. When you are open and allow the space for likeminded people to come into your life, they will come.
4.
The secret is out: I have been alive for 20 years and I have never had a real relationship. But quite frankly, relationships aren’t everything. Learning to love yourself and creating meaningful friendships is just as (if not more) important. Sure there is part of me who wonders what I am missing out on in terms of romantic love buuuuut I am pretty damn lucky to have found such amazing friendships in my life. Just because I am single as a pringle doesn’t mean I am lacking in the love department. There is so much love around me. We are ALL love.
5.
Don’t always listen to everything people tell you. Listen but only take to heart the things that matter. Brené Brown says to write on a small sticky note, the names of all the people who truly care about you. This list should be small but it serves as a reminder of who’s opinions matter. Many people think the secret to success is to not care about anything or anyone but it’s more so about prioritizing who you value and actually care about.
6.
Vulnerability is not fun. It’s uncomfortable and scary and not knowing what something is going to bring gives me all the anxiety. But 9 times out of 10, putting yourself out there will prove to be a beautiful thing. Whether it be coffee dates, networking events, or just telling someone how you actually feel. I am 100% still working on vulnerability and putting myself out there but so far it has given me new friends, more insight to myself, and great connections (another key to success!) Life isn’t fun without a little uncertainty, right?
7.
Alone time is important. Very very very important. Especially for you, Nikki. Being an ambievert (both introverted and extroverted) means that I get drained by social settings and need my alone time to “recharged.” As much as I love being around people and connecting with people around me, I need my time to myself alone with my own thoughts. Sometimes I overlook that need and push myself to be social way more than I can handle. For me, my favorite form of self-care is spending time with myself.
8.
You don’t have to prove yourself to anyone. This is one of those things I am still slowly learning. I think a lot of times I feel like I constantly have to prove myself to people but mostly to myself. I am not sure why this happens but it could stem from my perfectionist personality. I hope that this decade brings more of doing things to do them rather than feeling the pressure to prove myself to anyone (or myself). It’s time to let go of what I think life “should” look like and just allow it to be. 
9.
I have always felt a bit disconnected from the people around me. It has only been since coming to college that I have really felt like I have found people who see me and like me for me. Especially since starting Naturally Nicoletta, I keep meeting and connecting with so many beautiful, like minded souls who do understand me. Feeling different than the crowd can be isolating and lonely but I have really fallen in love with myself and would never want to change who I am. I have learned some people just aren’t going to understand you and it is going to be lonely but stay true to you.
10.
The things we identify ourselves with can change and that is okay. In 2017, I let go of a lot. For me, this has meant shedding some identities including being a dancer, not eating meat, being the “nice” girl who always let everyone walk all over her. As I continue to grow more into myself, I shed identities and gain new ones. We are ever changing and holding on to identities, people, and thoughts that no longer serve us are hindering our growth.
11.
While I have never really had a bad relationship with my parents and the rest of my family, I don't think I really appreciated them until coming to college–especially my parents. I am so freaking lucky to have such a good relationship with my parents. I am so lucky for my close relationship with my Grandma (Hi, Mamaw!!). I am so lucky to have two amazing siblings (well, half siblings) who inspire me each day and push me to continue to grow and push forward with my own dreams. I think about my lowest times and whenever I feel down on myself, things aren't going the way I would have liked, or I just feel uninspired. These people are the people that have been there for me no matter what. No matter how many silly decisions I make. No matter how many times my passions change. No matter how big I dream. No one will support or love you more than your family–don’t take them for granted. So, a huge thank you to my amazing family–I wouldn't be who I am today without you all.
12.
It’s ok to ask for help and to not know the answer all of the time. I am still getting comfortable with this lesson. My fiery Aries nature explains a lot of my independence and I am always going to be a go-getter. Just because I like to get sh*t done doesn't mean I'm not allowed to ask for help. I have gotten into the habit of always expecting myself to know the answer. And I think I have allowed myself to become the person who just is always supposed to be right. Which, I guess, isn't bad but it can be uncomfortable. I am getting more and more used to asking for help and sitting with the experience of not knowing. How can you create genuine connections without leaning on those around you?
13.
Letting go of how you think things should be in incredibly freeing. SURRENDER and trust in the Universe. I no longer feel scared about not knowing. I am focused on the present moment and preparing for what might be presented to me but I no longer feel stuck or held back from the plan in my head. A big change from my typical Type-A personality!
14.
I was always known as the nice girl. You know how in middle school people would do "truth is..." and write what they thought about you on your Facebook wall? I kid you not, the only thing I was really known for was being nice. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with being nice but being nice transformed into being a pushover and letting everyone walk all over me. This was mentally and physically exhausting and something I still struggle with. I feel obligated to always please everyone and most times, that means saying yes to things I don't want to do because I "have" to. I am 20 now and that no longer is ok. Stop saying yes to things you don’t want to do (it’s ok to politely say no) – as someone with introvert qualities, I need to saaaaave my energy rather than waste it on things I don't want to be doing.
15.
No one really told me that journaling consistently, meditating, and beginning to live your truth was going to bring up a lot. I am not sure if we are completely oblivious to pain that we hold within us but by exploring the depths of my soul, I have found that I am a lot more broken than I though. I have a lot of healing to do but that is ok and at least I am aware. I wouldn't have expected that things from my childhood are still affecting me today but the more research I do, the more I realize how much we are programed as a child and that sticks with us throughout life. So here's to more healing and more exploration of where we were hurt. Fun times!
16.
Busier is not better. I repeat BUSIER IS NOT BETTTER. Allow space in your life (and schedule) for abundance. Out of all of the lessons on this list, I think this is the one I want to work on the most as I enter a new year. My brain is programed to think that being busy and productive 24/7 is healthy. But it's not. I am learning that down time is really important and keeps you from burning out. I am beginning to realize that giving time in your schedule and life in general for nothing is SO important–you will only receive abundance from the Universe if you allow space for it.
17.
I don't I ever truly feel appreciated. As sad as it sounds, it's one of those things where I constantly put my energy out into the world but don't necessarily feel it back. Again, not bad but it can be mentally exhausting. I am realizing that just because someone might not say "I love you" or "Thank you" doesn't mean that they aren't thinking those things. People show their love in many ways rather than just through words. Even though it may not feel like it, you are appreciated and loved more than you know. When I stopped comparing the way the love in my life looked compared to those around me, my eyes opened up to how much love is surrounding me. It's a beautiful thing, really.
18.
Dogs are better than humans (especially Rudy, he’s an angel sent from heaven) It didn't really take much for me to learn this. Rudy, my dog back home, is actually my best friend and I think he understands me better than anyone else. Funny little story, my Dad surprised my Mom and I with Rudy back in the 5th grade (I think?) and when I first saw him, I cried for hours because I didn't think I would like him. My parents reassured me that we could take him back if I didn't but thankfully, I fell in love with him a few hours later. I think that dogs can teach us a lot about humanity. They can teach us about endless love and loyalty. The amount of love I have for Rudy is endless and I am so grateful that I have him in my life.
19.
I have spent the better part of my first 20 years (especially the last 5 years) feeling like I have to accomplish everything I want to do immediately. This has led me to constantly be exhausted and honestly not fully enjoy the present moment. I have learned that you don’t have to accomplish everything right this second. I continue to remind myself of this because it is easy to forget. It is easy to feel like everything you want or need has to be done immediately, but that's not sustainable. I am getting better at breaking down my goals into shorter little checkpoints to not feel so overwhelmed.
20.
Growing up, I really only focused on dance and I let my love for learning and curiosity get put on the back burner. Since coming to college, I have fallen in love with learning and I feel like an entire world has been opened up to me. Always keep learning and asking questions–about yourself, about the world, about everything. Not just academically but just in general; the only way you grow is through learning. One of the only ways you really learn is by staying curious. Although the saying goes, "curiosity killed the cat", I think that curiosity fuels the soul.It's interesting to look at the life lessons in the past 20 years that have shaped me into who I am today. These past couple of years have really given me a new perspective on who I am and who I want to be. I can only hope that these next 20 years bring as much growth, joy, love, and good memories as the last have.Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to wish me a Happy Birthday! I love all of you :)