A Thanksgiving Reflection

I wasn't originally going to do a post for Thanksgiving. I just didn't really feel it was necessary. That was until I got to Thanksgiving and eeeeeveryone kept making me take pictures of the table full of food so I could use it for a Thanksgiving post. So, I have to do what the people ask for. Instead of being basic and writing a list of obvious things in my life that I'm grateful for (my family, the opportunity to go to college, etc.) I wanted to do something slightly different. I wanted to write a Thanksgiving reflection on all the things that didn't go my way in life.I think a lot of times in life, things happen and we can't see why they happen until later. I wanted to use this post as a reflection. A reflection of things in my life that maybe I didn't want to happen but then led me towards the life that I am living now; which ultimately has worked out for the better.A lot of times, it can be hard to understand why certain things in your life don't work out or why certain doors close but I firmly believe that everything in your life is there to teach you something and everything happens for a reason–even though that reason might not be apparent for a while.

1. I am thankful that I didn't get accepted to three of my top colleges. I am thankful that I didn't end up going to college in California. 

   While of course, I think that I would have loved going to USC, UCLA or NYU; I wouldn't trade Loyola for the world. I not only have fallen in love with Baltimore but Loyola has (in just 1.5 years) given me so many opportunities. Opportunities to explore academically, meet some of my best friends and deeper understand myself. California will always be a dream of mine but I couldn't imagine going to school anywhere but Loyola.

2. I am thankful that I got burnt out of dance. 

   This is not an easy one. I do miss dancing and performing every day and I do think about what my life would be like if I kept with it. But lately, I have realized that when I was dancing, that was the only thing I was passionate about. It was the only thing that I cared about or could see myself doing. I put all of my eggs in one basket which kinda screwed me over for college but I learned from it. Now, I have so many different passions and interests in life. It's scary because I have no idea what I want to do with my life, but it is liberating because I feel like I have so many options and so many things to explore.

3. I am thankful for the friends who walked all over me and took advantage of me. 

   Through high school, I was always known as the "nice" girl–don't get me wrong I'm still nice. But I was too nice and I did let people take advantage of me. I kept a lot of one-sided friendships going and gave people a few too many chances. I like to think a good quality about myself is that I can forgive easily and don't hold grudges. But when people continue to walk all over you and take advantage of you–this is no longer a good quality. Once I came to college and found people who actually wanted to get to know me and liked me for me not for what I can offer them, I realized how many toxic friendships I tolerated. Since then, I have learned boundaries and I am learning how to distance myself from people who suck the energy out of me.

4. I am thankful for being different. Being more mature–not having a lot of people understand me. 

   Growing up, I always felt like an outsider. I had a lot of friends but I never really felt like I was being myself and I felt like I was always trying to be someone. A lot of this has to do with being mature for my age and also because where I grew up, people tend to have the same views (one different than mine). I am now finding more people who do think the same way as I do, have the same priorities, and are open to understanding me. I have also learned that it's ok if you don't want to do everything the same as the majority of people. I'd much rather go out and try a new restaurant instead of partying and I'm ok with that. In fact, I love that about myself. When trying to "fit in", I was never really happy with myself or the things that I was doing.

5. I am thankful for all of the opportunities that didn't work out and disappointments in my life so far. 

   It's really crazy thinking about every single thing that worked out (or didn't) has led me to where I am today. I am certainly not living the life that I imagined I would be when I was little or even a year ago. Although there are a lot of things that I would change about my life (like I'd love to be a famous blogger...like tomorrow) there are also so many things that I love about my life. And every single thing has led up to this moment. It's a crazy thing to think about. And it reminds me that with every disappointment comes a learning lesson and comes to another opportunity in the future.

All in all, I have a lot to be thankful for in my life. I have started to become more aware of myself and practicing gratitude daily but it's easy to overlook the little things that led you to the things you are so grateful for today. Life is a culmination of so many things–it's scary but also invigorating to think about where you will be a year, 5 years, even 10 years from today.Always be grateful. Always tell the people you love that you love them. Life is about exploring–there are no right answers. That's the beauty of it.XONikki